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In J. Heinrich Arnold's book Freedom form Sinful Thoughts, he states that "It is impossible to defeat one's sinful nature by will power alone, because the will is never wholly free, but bent this way and that by conflicting emotions and other forces at work on it." He also reminds the reader that Saint Paul … Continue reading Will Power Alone Never Works

Jesus said to love our neighbors as ourselves. He commanded this. It is very difficult to love our neighbors correctly when we do not love ourselves. Most addicts struggle with loving themselves and their neighbors because they hold on to their past sins. Holding on to past sins prevents us from being made new by … Continue reading Learning to Love Ourselves

One of the feelings I often experience is that of abandonment. Having experienced traumatic events in my childhood it makes sense that I would experience feelings of abandonment as very harmful and unwanted. My addictive behaviors were my attempt to avoid feeling abandoned. I believed pornography, alcohol, and exercise could take away the abandonment I … Continue reading Abandon Yourself to God

When I first joined a 12 Step group to overcome my addiction to pornography, I remember another member speaking with his sponsee after the meeting asking him to say the words "I love my addiction". At the time, I believed this was very harsh, but now, after years of recovery work under my belt, I … Continue reading Detachment from Sin through Confession

My first sponsor always emphasized defining terms because it helped one to understand the importance of that term in relation to my current circumstances. The word surrender is a very important term to define because it is critical to progressive victory over lust and our addiction. So what does it mean to surrender? Some may … Continue reading I Surrender

I just recently heard in a homily that forgiveness is the acid test of discipleship. My lack of forgiveness is directly related to my willingness to love and serve others, the command given by Christ to be a disciples. To love and serve those that love us back is easy, but to love and serve … Continue reading Forgiveness Frees Us To Love

Often I talk with addicts who refuse to work the steps and fully surrender to God and the Church (Catholics believe Christ is the Church- see CCC 787 https://www.vatican.va/archive/ccc_css/archive/catechism/p123a9p2.htm) because of a common struggle contributing to their refusal for help, they are afraid of their failings and being discovered. If you relate to this struggle, … Continue reading Don’t Worry If They See Your Defects

When I was active in my addiction, I lost my power to choose to do the right thing. Instead I chose to persist in doing the wrong thing while acting out with pornography, masturbation, and drinking excessively. I have come to realize the greatest wrongs I committed were not the acts themselves, for example masturbation, … Continue reading The Power to Choose

Completing a Step Four Inventory is one of the hardest steps for many addicts. It is a lifelong step that requires willingness to humble ourselves before God and acknowledge our character defects. So why is it so important to know my character defects? In my experience it is always my character defects that kept me … Continue reading Step Four: He who Humbles Himself Will Be Exalted